To J:

Here are (the?) things that bother me:

1.) We cannot end this with you calling me a bitch and screaming at me to get out of your apartment. I deserved that (really, I did, I nagged until all hours of the night), but still....Your friendship is too important to me. and we have to work together for at least another year, and I'm not sure how I would do that if I had to know that's how you feel about me.

2.) You chose her. It may have been just for a night, and it may have been a special occasion, but still.... you chose her. Over me. After I made it very very clear that it was a big issue for me. That choice only made it more of a big issue.

3.) Subconsciously or consciously, you do not include me when you are with her. Obviously having me around must change the dynamic in some way. Maybe it's just that you have to watch out for me, to integrate me, when I'm there, and that's more work than relaxing. But maybe its more. I trust you, but maybe it's more.

4.) You cannot spend the night (sleeping bag or not) at another woman's house without telling me. This is not me being jealous. This is normal. I've taken a poll.

5.) Many of our friends, who have been dating much less time than we have, are now engaged, or married, or at least live together. We aren't anywhere close to that. Part of me argues that all relationships follow their own path. But part of me wonders that if we were right this would have happened for us too.

6.) You are the best person I have ever dated. I love you. But I've never been quite sure if I'm ready to give up all the single person behavior that made up my life before you.